ramblingsonaplate

It was one of those days yesterday. You know the ones where it’s sunny and warm but with a lovely breeze going on? It smells like summer and come 6pm all you want to do is throw on a maxi dress and head out to a barbeque (well I do anyway). Unfortunately I spent the day on the couch playing ‘Dishonored’, with a sore throat, a headache and a case of feeling sorry for myself.

HOWEVER… I was in a great mood despite that fact. Before I tell you why I should really start out with a heartfelt apology over my complete lack of blogging (again). It is with good reason though. I promise!

This year has been a huge turning point with my CFS. I’ve done more this year than I have in the last 6 years. I’ve stage managed a musical program called ‘Starbound’, I’ve directed and stage managed a brand new Australian musical written by my sister, One More Year (I even pulled off a 16 hour day in that time!), I’ve travelled overseas with my best friends (you can read all about it at my beautiful travel buddies travel blog here: http://amyandtearlachtravels.wordpress.com/), I’m about to move house (again), I’ve socialised my little bum off and I’ve decided to enrol in university for next year. But most importantly amongst all of those things: I fell in love.

It’s not very often you get to be with a man who can whip up a banoffee pie, buy aromatherapy soap for your mum, withstand a sword showing ‘ceremony’ in the garage with your dad, entertain the whole family with a bevvy of alter egos, play fetch for hours with your beloved dog, begrudgingly befriend your slightly asshole-ish cat, massage your feet (willingly), heat up wheat packs, drive you around in search of delicious baguettes, make you laugh at least 5 times a day, leave you beautiful heart felt messages secretly in your notes, make you feel completely and utterly beautiful even when you’ve wearing oversized track suit pants and a stained t-shirt, a man who you can go dream home shopping with, tell all your secrets to, giggle in the middle of an argument with and a man that you wake up to and feel a rush of excitement when you see his face because you forgot how much you were in love whilst you were asleep. But somehow I got him, and it makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

His name is Jack. This is us in Europe:

So I do apologise for being such a lazy blogger but life is exciting and wonderful and new and brilliant and BUSY! That’s not to say I don’t have any bad days, because they do crop up occasionally, but I’m just enjoying my life as it is. If this is the best my health gets then I’m so very lucky because it’s enabled some wonderful things to happen. Don’t give up. No matter how dim, there is ALWAYS, absolutely always, light at the end of that goddamn tunnel.

I’ll try to blog soon…

Elise

Life is a funny thing- the truth of the matter is that it’s bloody complicated. It is a constant and challenging learning curve which starts with shoe lace tying, the truth about the Easter bunny and where babies come from through to lessons in heartbreak, joy, pain, happiness, loss and in the end facing our own mortality.

In the last 2 months or so I feel as though I’ve had life lessons heaped on me with a gigantic shovel. My hearts been bruised, my comfort zone tested, my fears challenged, my limits pushed and my ability to learn from them has been greatly expanded. Sometime I wish I could be a brat about the harder things in life and lie on the floor kicking and screaming until someone fixes it for me, but in so many ways that becomes the harder choice. If I indulge my 5 year old tantrum thrower then I miss the good parts of the experiences and I lose out on gaining a bigger insight into my own self. It may seem like the more challenging choice to move on, to forgive, to let go, or to look at something objectively but in the end it seems as though those tough bits are all the more precious because of what you gained in the end.

I don’t mean to sound wanky or preachy and I also don’t expect you to brush off difficult moments in life with a nonchalant attitude but I guess I want you to look at all those tricky bits and imagine where you would be or what kind of person you would have turned out as if you hadn’t wholly explored the delightfully twisty road that is life. I know I wouldn’t change any of my experiences for the world as they’ve shaped me and the way I live. It has lead me down some exciting paths and brought me the people that I love and cherish, it has tested me in ways I never knew I could be tested and it has defined the way I view the world.

I no longer look apprehensively at the future because whatever it has to throw at me I’m willing to face it head on and take what lessons I can from it. And if every so often I have to let out my inner tantrum diva to deal with a crisis then I know I can pick myself up off the floor after a good wail, dust myself off and keep on keeping on. After all, what else can you do? That’s just life!

Today is my birthday. So I thought that in honour of this fact I would write a list of things that I have learnt in my 22 years on this earth.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNT IN 22 YEARS OF BEING…

• You will not die of shame if you get something wrong (even if you feel like you might). Be it on a test, playground gossip or trying to outwit your family whilst watching talking ‘bout your generation.
• My health is more important than social activities
• Not to take anything for granted
• Boys don’t like direct conversation about feelings at 14 years old.
• That you should always push yourself to find out what you’re capable of.
• To try not to regret anything… excepting the time that I got too nervous to perform in my grade 3 play even though I had done everything in my 8 year old powers to get the main role ONLY to give it to my best friend at the time who was unfortunately crap… I still bitterly regret this.
• Only spend time with the people who mean something to you and are worth spending the energy on. Life is too short to hang out with dickheads.
• To not drink too much at family Christmases
• Sisters are awesome and will always listen to you even if you repeat yourself a million times or tell them your silliest innermost thoughts. They will almost always still love you even when you’re grumpy.
• Always pack extra undies when going on holidays. It’s a given that at some point you will run out.
• Friends are precious. Look after the ones you’ve got.
• To be nice to techies. By bringing them food, beer and giving regular praise things get done so much faster.
• Don’t throw cats. I only recently learnt this lesson after an unfortunate incident last week where I gently threw my cat onto the couch where he promptly face planted and wouldn’t look at me for the rest of the day. We have since made up.
• Be kind to your body. It’s the only one you’ve got.
• To learn from every experience and take something away from it, be it good or bad.
• That you can be both sorry and not sorry at the same time.
• That I really am blessed with the most wondrous family and life and wouldn’t change it for the world.

This is a shamefully short list but when reflecting upon what I’ve learnt in 22 years it seems it is quite a bloody lot and I don’t want to bore you with the minute details that I’ve learnt like shoe lace tying and basic mathematics. It’s a few life lessons that are important to me now, so even though it’s short I still wanted to share with you!

I would also like to give special thanks to my wonderful parents today, without which I would literally not be here. A special extra mention to my beautiful mother, who 22 years ago went through an ungodly amount of hours in labour to bring me into this world, only for me to come out looking like my Pops…

When I was growing up I was convinced that I would marry Aladdin. It didn’t really occur to me that he wasn’t real; all I knew was that I wanted to have him sing romantic songs to me and take me on magic carpet rides. The same thing happened when I watched The Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty.

Then I grew up, and I still kind of wanted to marry them all. BUT I also realised that I would never want to marry a stranger after only one day of knowing them, call me crazy if you want but I’m fussy, it takes me at least TWO days to know if I’m even possibly remotely interested in someone and want to be whisked off to their far off castle.

It had also come to my attention that I wanted to be a kick ass princess. I wanted to know that in between my apple pie baking and daily sweeping that I could wield a sword and fight off the most horrid of beasts. By day I would be a sweet, demure and innocent princess and by night a karate kicking, gymnastic flipping, foul mouthed super woman. Let’s face it, every so often your prince is going to let you down, he’s going to get caught by your evil stepmother who has morphed into a giant dragon, he might even be out cold when you are faced with a tentacled sea monster. So we, the delicate princesses we are, have to have daggers strapped to our ankles and a crossbow stowed somewhere easily accessible (I’m thinking the broom closet by the door… you know, the one that no one ever looks in?).

Now don’t get me wrong, I still want to be rescued every once in a while, but we’ll schedule it in maybe for holidays and Sundays? Or every other weekend? I don’t want to emasculate my poor snookums now do I? And look I really wouldn’t mind a little help with the dishes, I make the apple pie, you clean the pie dishes. It all works out rather nicely don’t you think?

I still have my fantasy of being discovered by the man of my dreams whilst singing a beautiful song, who just happens to be a wealthy prince with impeccable manners and fantastic dress sense.  And I still want to be wooed, sung to and whisked off to exotic locations while wearing beautiful gowns. But on the way I’m happy to slay a few dragons and take down any evil queens who are lurking in the shadows. After all, a girl has to look out for herself.

And as for Happily Ever Afters? I think I’ll make my own.

This fabulous image was something I stumbled upon at http://www.doutorcaligari.com/2011/05/disney-princess-kick-ass.html

They have some other fabulous imagery and some naughty pin up versions of the princesses!

I’m not going to lie; the last few months have been pretty tough. I guess it all started a few weeks ago when I found myself investigating the apparent disappearance of a guy who as it turns out wasn’t missing at all; he’d just taken off without telling his wife so he could avoid divorce. He even went so far as to leave a car full of pig’s blood for me to find. I found it difficult because he had an accomplice and he was a really tough guy to read, shifty eyes and constant fidgeting. Was he lying to me? I was in doubt that I would get the truth. That was just the beginning of a long line of car chases, suspicious arsons and a few drainpipe shimmies.  At the end of last year I was imprisoned, then inexplicably chosen to assist the emperor through an underground labyrinth that started in my cell. From there it seemed I had quests to fill and not enough time to do it in. I joined a guild or two and really worked hard to overcome some scary obstacles, one including a cave of vampires and a drug trip through an underground lair in a tree.

I suppose I’ve always lived an extraordinary life, when I was about 8 I got together with a few kids and started competitively snowboarding, it was a lot of fun, but I had a little crush on my friend Jam and unfortunately it seemed he and Linda were pretty tight. After our snowboarding group disbanded I moved onto bigger and better things. I liked to explore a lot as a child but during one such exploration I ended up licking some guy (he was rather shy, come to think of it) and mum and dad really wanted me to stop eating fruit I found on the ground.

When I reached about 16 or 17 I had a growth spurt and developed rather gigantic boobs, it was a mystery to me how they moved independently of each other but they did and in spite of my knockers being the obstacle they were I went on to compete in beach volleyball against many other well endowed players.  After a few years of skimpy bathing suits and endless volleyball I decided that adventuring would really suit me. I ended up in some pretty far-flung places and mastered the art of gun-toting. By the end of my adventures I was fairly adept at slinging around two shotguns all whilst climbing rather large walls and swinging on oddly available tree vines. After raiding various tombs for interesting artefacts I found myself yet again wanting a new adventure and decided to test out my mettle as an assassin. Turns out I was kind of terrible as I had no idea how to pick pocket successfully and I gave up rather quickly.

By the time I was 19 the world had reached an apocalyptic state and I was forced to fend for myself while in a desperate search for my father. Once reunited I was ready for a new challenge and it seemed I would find it in my discovery of a world full of people who I could control and manipulate. My sister, I had learnt, shared my love of this world but was far more ruthless. I watched in horror as she removed the ladder from a swimming pool and watched as her helpless victims drowned. Another time I was witness to a terrible accident where several of her victims burst into flames after running on a treadmill for hours. After seeing these terrible events I had to move on from this world or risk becoming a sadistic insensitive ruler like my sister Emily.

For the first time in years I found myself at a loss. I was realising that I may not be invincible or have multiple lives, that my dog wasn’t adept at finding dig spots filled with treasure and health potions and worst of all I wasn’t awesome at skateboarding or gun slinging. I was a real life human being. With no save slots. It was time to put down the Nintendo 64 controller/Wii remote/Xbox 360 control/PC mouse and get into the real world. Smell some fresh air, pick some flowers or go to Ballarat to see 4 hours worth of cabaret shows.

Or I could watch all the exciting YouTube trailers for Lara Croft and sharpen my sword in anticipation of some dragon fighting in Skyrim. In fact, I might go ready my Sims for an influx of pets while I wait.

My name is Elise Mercurio and I love video games… *happy sigh*

Ps. I do not have giant boobs that are capable of moving independently of each other, I’m actually convinced that this would be impossible. But amusing?

Suggested snack: Cheese supreme Doritos accompanied by tzatziki.. Get on it!

My Dad has always given me one piece of sage advice when I have complained about boys: “Well Elise, boys are stupid.” He has been repeating this mantra for many years now and I wholeheartedly agree (mostly). However they can also be terrific fun.

I started thinking about the topic of boyfriends today because a) I don’t have one and b) people keep asking me if I do and if not then who’s my type and what do I want? The answer is that I don’t really know in REAL LIFE whereas in my imagination I have it all sorted. I said to someone the other day that in my head I’m quite shallow but in reality I’ve been interested in many different varieties of boy and to be honest none of them are going to be the next Superman…

Anyway… moving on. I decided to write a checklist, so that if my ideal man is trawling the blog sites and stumbles across this then he’ll know how to find me. So, here is my man checklist.

• Must be taller than me (I’m 5’7 so it’s not too much of a stretch)
• Be good looking enough for me to want to remove my clothes within minutes of meeting
• Be funny. And I mean seriously, actually, really funny. I’m one of those awful people who silently laugh or doesn’t laugh at all and then after something funny happens I will usually say, “Huh, that was amusing”. If you can make me genuinely have a good giggle then you are in with a shot.
• Be perfectly imperfect. I’m not one for the pretty boy ‘all American’ good looks guy. I like the English ‘my nose isn’t quite straight and a few of my teeth are a little crooked’ kind of dude.
• Which brings me onto my next point… be English. Or be really really super good at putting on an English accent.
• Must be good at at least ONE manly activity i.e. Chopping wood or changing a tyre. Even if you just look at a car and say vaguely technical words and sound masculine then that will probably suffice.
• Be manly- I like a guy who smells good and knows how to put on a nice clothing ensemble but other than that I don’t want to fight for mirror time or wait for him to perfect his cravat.
• Have a decent IQ score or know lots of useless trivia, it is fun to have intelligent and lively conversation- I don’t care how attractive you are, if we can’t have a decent debate or talk about if Chris Lilley’s social commentary is funny anymore then it’s just not going to keep me interested.
• Be nice to my pets, if you show love towards my doggies and kitties then I will look kindly on you and think you are kind of wonderful.
• Be good at listening, because I talk. A lot. Like all the time. About nothing particularly interesting sometimes. But I still like to be listened to. And I WILL know if you zone out (even on the phone…)
• Get along with my family no matter how crazy you think they are. I love them and I talk to them about everything so you have to make an effort or Dad will get out his samurai swords… seriously.
• Get along with my friends because they are ridiculously cool people and will put up with anyone that I like because they love me, but if they love you as well then that will just be the cherry on top of the cake.
• Don’t think my CFS is a huge obstacle. I can still do stuff! I’m just not going clubbing with you and if I don’t feel up to going out, dinner and snuggling (and other stay at home fun activities… [work it for yourself]) at home is good enough for me so theoretically it should be for you too.
• Be lovely and be whoever you are because that is what I will like you for, English accent or otherwise.

And that is my list. Please don’t take it too seriously because in all honesty I’m quite likely to walk down the street and fall in love with an effeminate Russian man with perfectly aligned teeth, an IQ of 100, an allergy to all animals and no sense of humour. And, if by some divine miracle you know the man my list has just described… GIVE HIM MY GODDAMN NUMBER!!!